I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
