help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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