his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
