Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
