girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
