one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
