She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
