It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
