I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
