She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
