I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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