Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
