You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
