Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
