you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
