I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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