all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
