The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
zippers are such a cool invention
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
