Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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