she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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