you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
