Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
