He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
