no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
