I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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