I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
