Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
