Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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