My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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