She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
