I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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