my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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