When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I look better un-naked...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
