hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
