I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
