She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
