I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
