matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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