He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
