thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
