Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
