I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we're so committed to being not committed
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