it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
