Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
