What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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