This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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