We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
