I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
