hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My vagina is officially offended.
i now understand why vodka
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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