dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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