who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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