just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
