And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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