I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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